People have been asking about our relationship. I actually snagged this from a note I sent to someone on FA, because I didn't necessarily feel like rewriting it. DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE NOT GENUINELY INTERESTED OR YOU MAY PUKE OR SOMETHING
I sort of expect most of my viewers to be skeptical at our, um, situation. FurAffinity is full of fetishists, the delusional, and those chicks who wear fabric triangles on headbands to school and meow at passers-by (though this last also falls under the first two). I am not denying being a complete loser, because it'd only trigger slow nods and half-smiles from whomever happens to be listening at the time.

At first, I didn't feel confident enough to post a public journal about our dumb lifestyle. I am secretly chock-full of hubris and like to make an attempt to keep my vanity away from the general public, especially the general public of an art community. Alas!

I actually very much appreciate any initial skepticism and honesty. I would hope most of my audience is this way, but I will never know until I gain publicity and end up on Encyclopedia Dramatica.

Essentially, I started the entire thing. I met Sebastian (whose real name is Nicolas; Sebastian is just a ridiculous nickname) in a drafting class and at some point we started dating. One night I asked him to beat me with a scrap of chicken wire and the beating ensued and we both began talking about fetishes. :D We remained simply hardcore fetishists (unless that's still what you'd call us; I would) until I left my parents' house and dropped out of school (I was eighteen at the time). I began missing my father's guidance, my teachers, assignments, chores, etc. I didn't like having independence, because I couldn't work with it. Independence allowed me to drop out of college (twice), gain weight, run away from home, and all the other things that most mature individuals can only respond to with "Well, grow up." I stopped doing art because I couldn't work without a schedule. I gained about twenty pounds in a four-month period.

I starting asking Bastian to make schedules for me in Excel. XD Art, calorie intake, sleeping, chores… anything that could be made into a schedule. Eventually, I requested that he punish me when I flub on my tasks.

Let me introduce here the masochism paradox. If you haven’t heard of it, you’ve probably already figured it out. “How do you punish a masochist?” Well, on a grand scale, you technically can’t, since what they loathe most ends up giving them a giant boner. But there are ways you can work it so that you are able to manipulate your slave and both of you are able to ignore the fact that she’s lovin’ it. Actually, I’m full of shit and don’t really know how it happens, but it is indeed magical and somehow it all comes together.

Anyway, one night I was searching online to learn more about whatever creepy subculture we’ve fallen into, and I discovered the term TPE, or Total Power Exchange. Basically, I pointed it out to Sebastian and was like “O HAY THIS IS ALMOST WAT WE GOT CAN WE HAVE SOME OF THIS PLZ THIS IS WHAT I NEEEEEEED”

It didn’t work at first.
It still didn’t work some time later.
A year passed. We were still fucking it up.

Eventually, we found that we were idiots and were trying too hard to fit the Intarweb’s description. We laughed about it over a dinner of pot roast.

What we have now still has its flaws. Oh, god, it still has its flaws (given the whole thing itself isn’t a flaw). But we have gotten to a point where there is a lot less William Shatner roleplaying and epic costumes and a lot more understanding and natural willingness.

For your information, we “hide” in public and around certain company. I am still not allowed to make demands of Master (“pass the salt to Grandma” becomes “could you please pass the salt to Grandma”) among other small things. I have no desire to be disowned by my family or be thought of as filthy, obscene, or deluded in public. Fuck leashes all to hell. No one wants to see that shit. Except in BDSM clubs, but we’re not old enough yet. :D We will be by the end of this year, though.

At home, my life is based mostly on a schedule. I also pray at night, but needless to say it isn’t to God. The whole thing sort of made my stomach turn for the first month. There is also a prayer box, in which I leave requests like “I would like to try harder with my exercise this week.” I am essentially the lawmaker, but he revises and enforces what I offer. As time goes on and he trusts his judgment with controlling another’s life, the laws will become more Sebastian-y and less Emily…-y.

We have a “contract”, but it only states the obvious and is hardly worth mentioning. Sebastian is to protect and guide, and I am to obey and follow.

As for punishments, we have a system that is a bit like a Neopets shop from hell. Throughout the month, I earn two colors of marbles that are put into a jar. One color is for all the snot-nosed, belligerent, negligent things I do or don’t do, and one is for being good. Before the end of the month sneaks up on me, I must spend my bad marbles in a shop. Terrible punishments are worth more marbles. The punishments are tailored to my fears, and being polyphobic, there are some strange things on the list. I think for twenty marbles I must eat a tomato. For more, I must go to the grocery store alone with clothes that are a bit too tight. A couple times I’ve slept in the bathtub, and more than a few times I’ve simply been beaten with a cat-o-nine-tails.

Random rule: Sebastian does not leave scars.

We’ve never been to the hospital for... stuff.

Sometimes, when Sebastian is especially pissed (like when the marbles don’t get spent), he will be creative. There was one day where I was tied naked to my stainless steel art table for six hours while he turned off the heat in the dead of winter. He sat and spoke of philosophical things in a heavy winter coat.

As for rewards, they are usually food or sex-related. I have quite a few fetishes outside of this, so I am easily pleased. I love medical role-playing, but we both sort of suck in the acting department.

Where we’re headed now is a mystery. I have a desire to serve under two Masters (Sebastian is bi-curious, he claims, so of course I take this too far), or a Master and Mistress. The parental situations are what I love most. Sebastian reads me bedtime stories and bathes me from time to time, which is actually pretty sick in a sweet sort of way, in my humble opinion. So, to have two parental figures would make me a happy little slug in more ways than one. I’m trying to analyze this, though, and make sure it isn’t just a selfish, horny whim. It might be.

To emphasize how much of a father figure he is rather than a boyfriend, he allows me to date. Being shy and fat, though, I don’t do much dating. However, I'm pretty possessive and probably couldn't handle being alongside another slave unless I truly loved her/him. There is one person I can think of currently that I believe I could love and serve with, but... well... I don't know that she feels the same. Love is stupid when it isn't mutual. And for the record, I don't know what my sexuality is. I'm just a lonesome pervert.

But, yes, Sebastian and I do have sex on occasion. It’s sort of a gross combination.

There isn’t too much else to say. If you want to know more, I will share.

Thanks!

These Writer's Block thingies are the best idea LJ has ever had!

Dear Diary,

My nickname is E.J. because my real name is Emily Jo.

My other nickname is Slug because that's either my username or part of my username on various sites.

My other nickname is Ptero for the same reason

My other nickname is (was) Moth because I was obsessed with them in high school.

My other nickname is Emilope and I am not sure why. Ask my Master.

My other nickname is Fat Piece of Bacon Grease on a Stick, Covered in Lard. Self-explanatory.

I have also been called Em, M, m, Eminem, E-mail, Emilard, Embolee, Emmalou, Ejee, E.T., E, and Emmers.

Warmest wishes,

Emily.

It's time I had my own website for my artwork. I know enough HTML to get by, but I really want something awesome. I will want a blog, a forum, and a comment system, and maybe even a login thingy, which is where PHP should come in.

I am willing to provide graphics and I'd like someone who's good at communicating because I want to do most of the design. I just need someone to put it together! You must be willing to deal with my persnickety design needs.

I am willing to pay for the initial design, and then pay for miscellaneous updates and whatnot. This money will come out of my commission income, so I may just decide a monthly percentage to pay you or something. :D We can discuss all of that.

I will post this in my FA journal as well, but for now it's fallen off the face of the earth yet again.

Dear Diary,

If I've failed to make you aware, Sebastian has been hired onto CVS, where I am working. I am a supervisor at CVS. Sebastian is my Master.

I have never been a logical person, but it would appear that I am now my Master's supervisor.

:D

With sadistic intentions,

Emily

P.S. Could someone tell me how I am to know when my friends post new entries? Do I get updates in my inbox, or do I just need to check everyone's page often? Also, is anyone willing to work with me to make an LJ layout for me? I'll provide my own graphics!

This is mostly for those who are on FA pretending to like me, if you're interested in getting to know me a little. So here we go! Entry one. Are you ready?

Dear Diary,

Sebastian and I just got back from a restaurant called The Salty Iguana. It was pretty darn delicious, but it gave me the runs. I'm sitting here with my pants off because I may not have time to remove them, come the next bout of diarrhea. All this for some carnitas! And something called Iguana Dip, I guess, but I don't really know what was in that. I assume it will digest properly.

Love,

Emily